The Futility of Distress

Applying CBT to struggle, and anxiety... and debate

There are many new developments in our culture that I do not like. I like the growing trend of dialogue about the science (and non-science) of psychology and its application to different areas of our lives to boost our happiness and usefulness. I don’t like the trend of young people labelling themselves with terms from clinical practice and assuming experiences like trauma (they always say ‘complex trauma’ for some reason… which I suspect means something like ‘experiences which I found uncomfortable’) to make themselves seem interesting or lend weight to their opinions. If you’re living your life believing that you suffer with trauma and telling everyone this, you probably don’t suffer from trauma… but you’ll certainly accumulate some other mental health symptoms with time. The attitude of cherishing victimhood is poisonous for the spirit.

I like the growing tendency of young women to post attractive photos on Instagram (although as a boyfriend or husband or father I imagine my feeling about this might change). I do not like the trend of beautiful young women taking photos in pools at luxurious resorts on vacations they did not pay for while captioning their photos with koans about struggle and authenticity and success. It seems silly… like Bill Gates writing posts about the agonies of poverty. Also: no one is viewing the posts to see what has been written below. I have yet to see a beautiful girl write a statement about the unbelievable privilege of having amazing genetics such that half of the human population feels powerfully drawn to you before you’ve said anything… but I still maintain hope. Someday, inshallah. (This one is half-joking… I understand the economic and psychological implications of monetizing your attractiveness, for yourself and others. I don’t think it’s necessarily a positive development.)

I like the tools of the digital age which allow us to research ideas and post essays and share our work with thousands of readers instantly, and to converse with people all around the world about grave subjects. I don’t like the fact that many (most?) opinionated people seem to identify with their opinions and judge the goodness and intelligence of others based on their opinions (rather than on their goodness or intelligence). Most people seem to realize that tribalism and division are becoming increasingly problematic… and then they antagonize, and divide, and cling to their tribe as soon as they open an app.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a rare animal in psychology: it has demonstrated efficacy and doesn’t rely on some bizarre and speculative theoretical framework for its methodology. It also pushes patients to abandon subjectivity (what they’re thinking and feeling) and instead get in the habit of ‘reality testing’ and challenging their impulses and impressions. CBT recognizes that being mired in and obsessed with self is actually the surest path to misery and neuroticism. We are seeing that today as an entire generation is constantly pushed to photograph and record and categorize and compare and express themselves… on a tiny electric box, which disgorges algorithmically calculated material to hack their prejudices and insecurities in order to draw them farther into this shallow and malign digital world. In many ways the lessons floating around our culture today (if you feel something it’s true for you, people who disagree with you are suborning violence, labels are important and should be assumed and displayed, feelings and negative emotions are real and should dictate your actions and activities, suffering and anxiety and struggle should be avoided…) are the anti-CBT worldview.

Here are some bits of wisdom I’ve learned from my time in therapy and in life and as I’ve grown and come to (begin to) understand the true natures of virtue and service and suffering over the past decade:

• If you can do something about a problem, don’t worry. Focus on doing that thing instead. / If you can’t do anything about a problem, don’t worry. It won’t help you and will just cause needless suffering and distraction in the meantime.

• If something someone says changes your mind, good-that is probably an indication that it was compelling and an improvement over what you believed before. / If someone says something that doesn’t change your mind, good-you listened to another’s point of view and you remain the same as you were.

• If you have failed at something, then you have benefitted, for you’ve learned what doesn’t work and you’ve built character and patience. / If you’ve succeeded at something, then you have benefitted, for you’ve gained something you valued.

CBT has nothing to do with the origins or values of the Stoics… yet their advice tends to dovetail nicely. When modern psychological research corresponds with the Greek school of thought most dedicated to equanimity and resilience and positive growth I think there is probably something nearby worth investigating.

The best and most fulsome collection of Stoic wisdom in a single place that I know of…

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. - Marcus Aurelius

Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one. - Marcus Aurelius

The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have. - Marcus Aurelius

We suffer more often in imagination than in reality. - Seneca

Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future. - Seneca

He who is brave is free. - Seneca

Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them. - Epictetus

Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. - Epictetus

It is the nature of the wise to resist pleasures, but the foolish to be a slave to them. - Epictetus

If you want something good, get it yourself. - Epictetus

Steel your sensibilities, so that life shall hurt you as little as possible. - Zeno

Man conquers the world by conquering himself. - Zeno

There are few experiences which cannot be redeemed or useful if framed properly, and there are few emotions or ideas which cannot be profitably examined.

Discipline is freedom.

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